


Astrid Vs. The Asteroid

by Seabourne



Series: Verses The Asteroid [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Asteroid - Freeform, Doomsday event, F/M, Falling In Love, Love Triangles, Marriage or die, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23495791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seabourne/pseuds/Seabourne
Summary: *Updates Wednesdays*An extinction level asteroid is hurtling toward Earth and the only safe place left is in government run bunkers deep underground. A SAFEsite. Seventeen year old Astrid is determined to take her place and protect her family, no matter the cost.She’s lost the admittance lottery, so her only way in is to marry her childhood friend. Connor is sweet and nice, and everything she should want. He has a place in the SAFEsite, and he wants her to join him.But then there’s Shane… The independent firebrand has already caught her heart. But Shane didn’t win a place in the bunkers. He’s determined to survive the impact in a shelter of his own.Connor is the smart choice. The safe choice. But no matter what she does, she can’t get Shane out of her head.With the asteroid closing in and the world falling apart, Astrid has a decision to make. And if she chooses wrong, she’s not the only one who will suffer.*Also published on Royal Road*
Series: Verses The Asteroid [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690552
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is complete and will be posted on Sundays and Wednesdays until it's done.

The aroma of freshly popped buttered popcorn filled the living room. Settling beside me on the couch, Dad offered the bowl. My stomach turned, but I took a handful to be polite. After all, this wasn’t the microwaved stuff. It was air-popped the old fashioned way—a luxury since the food rationing had begun.

“It’s supposed to be airing at eight o’clock eastern time. That makes it five o’clock here, right?” my twin brother, Asher, asked. He sat on the other side of Dad and bounced his leg nervously, threatening to shake popcorn kernels out of the bowl.

I shot him a look. “Yes. You’ve googled it like ten times already.”

“I was just checking, okay? Relax.”

My dad’s mellow voice cut across our sniping. “Yes, the lottery’s airing at five.” He glanced at the living room clock on the wall. “T-minus two minutes.”

Asher let out a long, gusty sigh. His leg resumed bouncing.

In the interest of keeping peace in the house, I ignored him. Usually Asher and I were pretty close, but this…this was a stressful night.

Silence fell over our tiny family, broken by the sound of us mindlessly munching popcorn. I didn’t taste a single kernel.

“It’s probably rigged,” Asher blurted. “Just watch. They’re going to show us all fake-ass names, and then fill the SAFEsites with celebrities and anyone else who can buy their way in.”

“Have a little faith,” Dad said before I could tell Asher to knock off his doom and gloom. “The SAFEsites are real, and they’ll want to have as much genetic diversity as possible to jumpstart the population after the Long Winter is over.”

The Long Winter. That was government approved speech straight from a FEMA pamphlet on preparing your household for the apocalypse. It sounded so much nicer than ‘nuclear winter’ or ‘extended freezing event’, which basically was an instant ice-age that would be so deep and last so long that it would kill all people, plant-life, and anything larger than a bug on Earth…if the impact from the asteroid didn’t do it first.

Unless you were lucky enough to be chosen to go to a SAFEsite, of course.

The SAFEsites were underground, self-sustaining bunkers scattered around the United States. Other countries had their own methods of saving portions of their population and cultural heritage. This was ours.

If lucky enough to be chosen to go to a SAFEsite, your chance at death was reduced to if the asteroid landed right on top of you. Or if the predicted worldwide tsunami flooded you out…or if the starving masses left in the aftermath clawed their way in.

Either way, you were better inside a SAFEsite than out. Probably.

My attention returned to the TV. Tonight’s lottery to choose the lucky families was being broadcasted simultaneously with the actual draw happening regionally. That meant our local stations would only show our region’s results and not, say, New York.

California had three SAFEsites. North, south, and central. We lived in the Bay Area, so if we were chosen to be saved tonight, ours would be central.

Currently, the TV showed a long block of commercials. I wanted to know who in their right mind was going to buy a brand new car with only a year left to live.

Then again… not a bad idea. It wasn’t like you had to worry about paying it off. If I had my license, I’d be tempted.

“What if we get in?” I asked without thinking. Oh well. Too late to back out now.

“We live,” Asher said. “Duh.”

In answer, I threw a kernel of popcorn behind my father’s back. It hit the side of Asher’s head and stuck in his hair.He scowled and pawed it away.

“That’s not what I meant,” I said. Being the only girl in the household sucked sometimes. I didn’t want to come off as weak, so I didn’t dare tell them that every time I imagined starving, dying crowds trying to force their way into the SAFEsite, I wanted to cry. Sometimes, I dreamed about being the one to hold a door shut against people begging to be let in. “We’ll have to leave everyone we know behind to die.”

“Yes, we will.” My dad was a captain in the Coast Guard and never shied away from harsh truths. Today, I wished he had. But he wasn’t done yet. “The lottery officials will only show the head of household’s initials and the last four digits of his or her social security numbers. Do you know why that is, Astrid?”

“How do you know that?” Asher asked. “I never heard that.”

Dad hesitated. “All head of households were informed.”

That didn’t sound quite right, but Dad was waiting for my answer. It was obvious, once I thought about it. Also, completely depressing. “Because anyone who gets picked will be a target.”

Dad nodded. “When a man is drowning, he can easily drag his rescuer down with him.” He fixed us with a look. “If we are lucky enough to be chosen tonight, it does not leave this room. You will not speak about it—not to anyone, not even to each other unless you are absolutely certain you are alone in this house. Got it?”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Asher and I nodded.

God, this sucked.

“It’s fine, Dad,” Asher said, snagging an obnoxiously large handful of popcorn. Ugh, it was like he didn’t care about the rationing at all. He stuffed half in his mouth before continuing. “We won’t get picked any way.”

Now it was Dad’s turn to throw a piece of popcorn at Asher’s head. “Think positive.”

He cracked a smile. “Okay, I’m _positive_ that we won’t—”

“Shh!” I pointed to the TV, which cut the car commercials and now showed a blank, blue screen. “It’s starting.”

A moment later, the emergency broadcast tone went off. Even during the times when the stations were only running a mandatory test, it never failed to raise the hairs on the back of my neck.

Once the piercing tones were over, simple lines of text scrolled up the screen while a robotic voice read along. I had half-expected to see the president give a speech, but no one had seen or heard from that guy in weeks.

The text was an outline of what my dad had told us nearly word-for-word: the lottery would display the head of household’s initials followed by the last four digits of their social security number. Those who were chosen would be contacted by their state or local representative within the following weeks. Each head of household would be issued three additional tickets for family members to join them at the SAFEsite.

That meant if Dad was chosen, there would be a ticket to spare. I’d like to hope it would go to someone with a family of five. My friend, Lydia, had three younger sisters. If her family was picked tonight…well. Some hard decisions would have to be made.

Or maybe Asher was right. The extra ticket would go to the highest bidder.

The robotic voice finished, and the TV went silent as the last of the text vanished.

Then the initials of the chosen began scrolling upward. Breathless, we all leaned forward to read.

Dad’s full name was Aaron Mitchell Butler. A.M.B. So no matter if the list went by first or last name, we wouldn’t have to wait for long.

“Do you see…?” I asked, eyes flicking over the A’s and B’s again and again before the list could fully disappear off the screen.

Dad’s heavy voice fell like a lead weight. “No.”

_Oh no. No, no, no…_

Asher swore and stood up. “This is so stupid!” He strode toward the front door.

I stood as well, knees shaky. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out.”

“Asher!” Dad barked. “Get back here!”

But the front door had already slammed shut.

My dad sighed, sitting back and rubbing his temples.

Blinking away tears, I sank back onto the couch and leaned forward, elbows propped on my knees. “He’s probably just going to the beach.”

I loved to surf, but Asher lived for it. Chances were, if he wasn’t in school, he was in the water. Sometimes even when he should have been in school, he was _still_ in the water.

“He should blow off some steam,” Dad agreed.

We went silent as the list of names scrolled on. We were only seeing the local results based on our viewing area, but there still seemed to be a lot. I read through the initials dully, imagining the happy families who were celebrating right now.

“There’s still a chance the tactical warheads will come through,” Dad said.“I’m certain the Pentagon will be firing everything we have at at the asteroid.”

I nodded, but my throat felt too thick to speak.

 _This is it,_ I thought. _I’m not going to graduate high school. I won’t live to see eighteen years old._

Assuming the combined efforts of NASA, the European and Chinese Space Agencies, and all the world’s thoughts and prayers didn’t knock the asteroid off its course, it would impact Earth in just under a year.

“We’re going to be okay,” Dad said.

I nodded again and agreed because I knew I was supposed to. “Yeah.”

A sharp cracking sound split the air, coming from down the street. I flinched, then lurched to my feet. Was that a gunshot?

Terrified for my brother, I started toward the door. My hand touched the doorknob just as I heard a louder boom followed by an obnoxious whistle.

I dropped my hand, shivering as the rush of adrenaline tapered off. No, that hadn’t been gunfire. My neighbors were using the lottery as an excuse to set off their cache of fireworks.

Unlike me, my dad hadn’t rushed for the door. He had calmly walked to the nearest window to look out. Tugging the curtain back into place, he turned away with a sour expression. “I’d call the police, but they’re going to be too busy with idiots tonight to deal with noise complaints.”

The TV had scrolled entirely through the list of names. Now, a final message appeared: the executive branch of the government was instituting martial law effective immediately. Curfew would begin at ten o'clock every night, with exceptions made for emergency and governmentaltravel only. All efforts were being made to extend the country’s remaining fuel and food reserves.

The words didn’t mean much, considering no one had bothered to give the speech in person. Asher had joked that the president had already locked himself in a SAFEsite. Maybe he was right.

Just then, my dad’s cellphone rang.

He picked it up, looked at the caller ID, and sighed. “It’s my Commander.”

“Don’t answer it,” I pleaded.

But of course he did. He _always_ did. He sent me a pinched, apologetic look before he swiped to answer.

“Captain Butler here.” A pause. “Yes, sir.” Longer pause. “Yes, I understand.”

Dad was being called to work. I turned away, mouth turning down. It wasn't a surprise. He never dated after Mom died—he’d always been married to the job.

I shook my head, biting my lip hard to keep back the prickle of tears. I was seventeen-years-old, but at that moment I felt like a little girl again; sad and helpless as my dad left Asher and I all alone in a house that was too big and too empty.

Dad hung up. “They’re recalling all active duty personnel. I have to report back to the base immediately.” Then he noticed how upset I was. He frowned. “Astrid, you know I don’t have a choice.”

 _Yes, you do,_ I thought fiercely. _We’re all going to be dead in less than a year. Who cares if you don’t show up this once?_

As usual, I couldn’t find it in myself to say what I was thinking. Asher would have. He was always the more outspoken of the two of us. Maybe he knew that this had been coming, and he’d decided to take off first for once, before Dad could.

I didn’t speak my mind, but I didn’t give Dad an answer either. Silently, I turned away and sat back on the couch.

Heaving a sigh, Dad stood and walked to his bedroom.

I stayed in the living room, a couch pillow clutched to my chest, and stared blankly at the television. The car commercials had restarted.

My father returned a few minutes later dressed in his uniform and carrying a slim, dark firebox he kept in his closet. He placed it on the coffee table and opened it with a key. “I want you to keep this with you tonight.”

I knew what it was the moment I saw the box, but my breath still caught as he pulled out a handgun. I didn’t have a lot of experience with guns—I’d only fired this one a couple of times, and that had been years ago.

“Dad…”

“If anything happens, lock yourself in the bathroom and call the police, and then me. In that order. I want your cell phone in your pocket, and the gun within arm’s reach at all times.” Keeping the muzzle firmly down, he showed me the little catch on the back. “This is the safety. Make sure it’s off if you have to fire.”

“I’m not an idiot,” I snapped, temper flaring.

“No,” he said steadily, his ice-blue eyes looking into mine. They were the exact same shade as my own. “But with things the way they are…well, I’ll feel better if I knew you could defend yourself tonight.”

“And I’d feel better if you stayed at home,” I said before I could catch myself. The flash of pain in his eyes made me regret my words, but I didn’t take them back.

“You know I can’t do that.”

 _Yes, you can! People take sick days all the time!_ But what I said was, “Do you think something will happen?”

He paused. “I think people are angry and scared right now, and it’s important that you have the ability to protect yourself. Your brother should be home soon.”

If our positions were reversed, Dad wouldn’t be telling Asher to lock himself in the bathroom if he heard a scary noise. He was allowed to go out and ‘blow off steam’ because he was a boy and could be expected to take care of himself.

Meanwhile, I was told to stay put like a good little girl.

“I should be back before you get home from school tomorrow,” Dad said.

“Whatever,” I replied, knowing he wouldn’t. When he was called in like this, he was never gone for less than three days.

Child Protective Services would have a fit if they knew.

Dad frowned at my tone, but turned toward the door. He hesitated for a moment, almost as if he were having second thoughts for once. Then he was gone.

Just like that, less than a half hour after I learned I would die in less than a year, I was alone in my house with a cell phone in one hand, a gun in the other.

I stayed like that for a half hour, listening my neighbors shoot more fireworks into the air and cheering as they blew up. They already sounded drunk.

BANG.

A huge boom shook the windows, followed by yet another ear-piercing whistle. Wow. Those fireworks were neither safe nor sane.

So far, I had mostly felt numb and a little sorry for myself. Now a small flame of anger sparked to life inside me.

I stood. “Screw this.”

If I was going to die, I wasn’t going to spend one more minute cowering in this house. Not when the ocean was calling me.

Stuffing the gun and phone in the big front pocket of my hoodie, I walked out the front door.


	2. Chapter 2

Thick, sulfur laced smoke from the fireworks filled the air, but also the rich scent of roasting meat. Between the food shortages and rolling blackouts which could spoil all the food in a refrigerator in a day, I couldn’t remember the last time I had real BBQ. My mouth watered, and if I were on better terms with my neighbors I might have seen if they were willing to share.

Or not. I ducked as another loud bang went off not fifteen feet over my head, accompanied by loud drunken laughter.

I had to get out of here.

With one hand holding the gun steady within the front pocket of my hoodie, I broke into a jog.

My family’s small bungalow style house had originally belonged to my maternal grandfather. Luckily, we had managed to keep it through the generations because there was no way we would have been able to live three blocks from the beach on my dad’s paycheck alone.

I turned the corner at the end of the street and inhaled the sweet scent of the ocean. I wasn’t dressed to go out into the water, but I needed to hear the rushing waves and the endless churning of sea against rock. The tide was low, and big bull kelp that littered the beach added to the wild, salty smell.

I wasn’t the only one with that idea. Jogging across the street, I threaded through a line of creeping cars all hunting for open parking spots. My family lived a little north of Santa Cruz’s main boardwalk, close to the rocky coves. Usually that meant fewer people on the beach. Right now, it was crowded as if it was the height of summer.

The wind carried shouts of high, manic laughter, overly loud and totally devoid of joy. People were trying too hard to forget that they were living life according to a countdown clock. We all were.

Several bonfires had been lit in the wide swath of sand between the street and the ocean. It used to be illegal to burn driftwood, but that was before the asteroid.

Groups clustered around, sharing beers, laughing, dancing, singing…families and young kids who were probably wondering why Mommy and Daddy were crying…

I turned and marched up the beach, away from the main drag. Just over a quarter of a mile straight north the highway turned away from the ocean, the land reverting into state park territory. Rocks littered the sand, and the shoreline became more craggy and less tourist friendly. There were small tide pools, but no one seemed to be interested in tide viewing.

Glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching, I ducked in among sharp jagged rocks dominating an area at the foot of a large cliff. Even during the off season, the beach was too popular to ever be considered “private” but I knew of a few spots where I’d likely be left alone.

Centuries of churning waves had carved out holes all through the cliff. Low tide exposed several shallow caves—basically a bare patch of sand surrounded on three sides with mussel and barnacle covered rocks.

It wasn’t pretty, and it didn’t smell great, but here no one could see me. Here, I could grieve.

I sat on a flattish rock and drew my legs up to my chest. Through the cave’s opening I watched the waves crash together over and over, just like they’d done for millions of years…just like they would continue after the last human being was gone from the earth.

Sometimes that thought comforted me. Today, I just felt empty.

Scientists and high level government officials around the world had been aware of the oncoming asteroid, named Betty 113, for around five years. They’d managed to keep it a secret until eighteen months ago when a bored Chinese programmer had hacked his way in a secure government database. The news spread far and wide.

Since that day, nothing had been the same.

Staring blankly at the ocean, I wondered what I would be doing right now if I didn’t know the asteroid was coming.

I’d be eating better, that’s for sure. Runs on every grocery store in the country had been epic, and the nation’s food supply chain hadn’t recovered. Luckily, my dad had a line to military-grade supplies. I'd become a connoisseur of freeze-dried food rations.

I’d probably be studying for my SATs or bugging Dad for a car. As of now, I didn’t know how to drive. Dad had been too busy to teach me, and with society breaking down bit-by-bit, driving instructors weren’t in high demand.

Maybe, if this hadn’t happened, I’d have a part-time job. I still could go out and get one, but what was the point?

My thoughts were entering into a dangerous, downward spiral, but I couldn’t bring myself out of it. I told myself that I hadn’t ben counting on the lottery to save me, but deep in my heart… I had.

Now that hope was squashed, I had just under a year to watch Betty’s approach. Then, if NASA's last stand failed, I'd get to look forward to a big fiery ball of doom.

The sound of the waves ebbed low for a second as the water was sucked back into the sea. In that moment as the ocean gathered itself to surge back, I heard a slight scrape of a shoe on sandy stone.

My breath caught.

Suddenly, I was aware in a way I hadn’t been before that I was _completely_ alone and out-of-sight. Trapped within in a shelter of sharp rocks. My dad and brother had no idea where I was, and no one would be able to hear me if I screamed.

Adrenaline sang in my veins, vaporizing the depression which had been trying to sink its claws in.

To hell with Asteroid Betty. I wanted to live.

I grabbed for the gun and fumbled it, cursing myself. But I managed to bring it up just in time for the stranger to round the corner.

Seeing the gun, he froze, stormy gray eyes wide in shock.

“Go away,” I said.

He was a teenager my age, seventeen or so. The first thing I noticed about him—the first thing most people probably noticed about him—was red hair so dark it looked burnished brown in the shadows. Taller than me, well built with the rough-and-ready look like he spent a lot of time outside. The brown spray of freckles across his nose and cheekbones added to the effect.

“I…hi. I didn’t mean to startle you.” His gaze flicked around, taking in the small, isolated cave. “Are you alone?”

I stiffened.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “That…that came out wrong. I only meant that I’ve never seen anyone else here before.”

It hadn't visited this spot in almost a year. “Yeah, well, I wanted to be alone.”

His mouth pulled to one side, the expression too sad to be a smile. “Got your hopes up for the lottery?”

I hesitated. “It doesn’t matter.” Which felt just the same as saying yes.

“I guess not,” he agreed, hands lowering. He probably decided I wasn't going to shoot him within the next few seconds. “It was all just for a show, you know, right? No one was really picked.”

“That’s what my brother says.”

“Who’s your brother?” the boy asked.

Again, I hesitated, years of stranger-danger warnings echoing in my head. But I was seventeen-years-old, and I could take care of myself. “Asher Butler.”

His eyes lit. “I know Asher. We have calculus together—Mrs. Donnovan’s class. I’m Shane, by the way.”

“Astrid.”

“Hi, Astrid.” Shane tried to smile again, but it came out as a grimace. “So are you going to shoot me?”

Guiltily, I glanced down. The hand holding the gun visibly trembled from a cocktail of stress and fear. The safety was still on, too. Not that he could see it.

“I…”

I couldn’t figure out what to say. I didn’t want to shoot him or anyone, but if I put the gun away and he tried something…I would be helpless.

Shane’s voice took on that special kind of calm that people got when they were trying to gentle a startled animal. “I don’t blame you for being scared. People are going insane right now, but I really don’t want to die before Big Betty takes me out.”

That made two of us, and I wasn’t sure I could even shoot the gun even if I wanted to.

The words locked up in my throat, unsaid. Here, in this isolated place, it felt like a bad idea to expose any weakness.

I managed to rasp, “Then you should leave.”

“Well, that’s just the thing.” Shane took a cautious step forward. “I’m not sure this is a good time for anyone to be alone right now. So how about this—we trade.”

“Trade what?”

“You put away the gun…” he swung his backpack around and reached into a side pocket. I stiffened, but short of pulling the trigger there was no way to stop him. Then he withdrew a can. My eyes snapped to the picture, and suddenly it had my complete attention. “And we can share this together,” he finished.

My jaw dropped. “Where did you get _peaches_?”

“Been saving it for a special occasion.” He wagged the can back and forth, temptingly. My eyes followed the can, not the boy. Proof enough my heart wasn’t in shooting him. “So, do we have a deal?”

Two years ago this would have been a ridiculous offer. Barely anyone had known the end of the world was coming, and there was more food—at least in my country—than people could possibly eat.

After the news broke, well…luxuries like canned sugary fruit fell by the wayside in favor of calorie packed, longer lasting products that could be stored for years.

Peaches were like candy. If candy was still being made.

Plus, Shane's offer gave me a way to save face.

“All right.” Carefully, watching him for anything weird, I slipped my finger off the trigger and stuffed the handgun back in the large front pocket of my hoodie. The gun fanatics back at the range would probably be having a heart attack, but whatever. It wasn't like I had a holster.

Shane's smile broadened—a real smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. He stepped forward to join me.

There was barely enough room on the flat stone for two people, but we managed to do it without brushing our legs. I found myself hyper-aware of the warmth of his skin, close enough to touch, but not quite.

Shane popped the lid off the can and offered a plastic fork. “Lady’s first.”

“You sure?” When he nodded, I speared the first half-peach and drew it out, dripping.

Like most of the country, I’d been living off of starchy rations. Noodles, prison grade blocks of cheese, corn, and potatoes with occasional fresh vegetables mixed in depending on whatever locals could grow and were willing to trade. We were lucky enough to live in a temperate area where we had plenty of choices.

The peach was like a sugar bomb on my tongue. I never remembered tasting anything like this before. Even the drippings of syrup were shockingly sweet.

I made an embarrassing noise as I chewed returned the spork.

He laughed, chewing his own bite with relish. “I’m so glad I saved this can. You have no idea the lengths I went to hide it from my sister.”

I smiled. “Let me guess. Your underwear drawer?” Not that I really cared. The can was sealed.

“Naw.” He shook his head. “That would have been the first place she looked. I hid it in the attic, next to her baby pictures.”

My reply was cut short by the sputter of a motorboat, too loud and too close. I turned in time to see a speedboat rocket by, so close to the beach it was practically in the surf. Worse, it was loaded down with people, some hanging right on the edge.

“Those idiots are going to hit a rock,” Shane said, half-rising in indignation. “Or a surfer.”

I was less worried about the surfers. Asher, at least, knew how to watch out for idiots. We’d both had to dive under more than once to avoid jet-skies.

Shane strode past me to peer out the mouth of the cave. I wasn’t sure what he planned to do if the worst happened—the water was too cold to go out without a wetsuit on.

Luckily, someone on the boat must have regained sense because it turned back out to the ocean.

Shaking his head, Shane returned to our rock. Silently, I held out the can to him. I’d eaten two peach halves, but it was his food. He should have most of it.

“People are going to be acting stupider the closer the asteroid comes,” I said. “Or crueler. My dad’s in the Coast Guard and he’s already been recalled—”

I stopped. What was I doing? I didn’t know Shane at all, and now here I was practically admitting that my house was unguarded.

That was another thing which had changed in society within the last couple of years. Everyone was pulling back from one another. It was as if we all realized that there wasn’t going to be such things as friends and allies while we were all starving.

Shane didn’t quite look me in the eyes—I guessed he caught my slip-up, and didn’t want to bring attention to it.

“It’s okay. I get it, and I agree.” He let out a sound that was half a laugh, half an annoyed sigh. “School’s going to be pretty interesting tomorrow.”

I blinked, staring at him. “You’re still going to school?”

“Sure, aren’t you?”

Actually, I’d half-convinced myself that I would be finishing out my high school diploma while in a SAFEsite. God, I was stupid.

“I don’t know,” I said slowly, thinking through the words. “Is there a point anymore? It’s not like I'm going to college.”

“It’s not about college.” Shane set the can of peaches down, twisting it in the soft sand so it didn’t fall over. When he turned to me, the color of his eyes matched the churning ocean. A perfect blue-gray of the winter sea.

“It’s about keeping your life normal for as long as possible,” he continued. “It’s about—look, things are going to be bad after Big Betty hits. I don’t know if I’m going to experience decades of bad, or seconds of it. But I want my life to be as normal as possible because I _know_ that if I don’t keep busy…I’ll go insane. Plus,” he added, perking up, “they’ll be changing the curriculum around to include survival tactics and stuff.”

I wasn’t sure I agreed with him, but I felt drawn in by his enthusiasm. “I haven’t heard that.”

He nodded, absently flicking a piece of hair from his eyes. “Principal Carter had a meeting with my aunt last week. She’s a vet at the Monterey Aquarium, but she’s going to be doing a lecture at all the schools in the district about how to harvest edible plants and fish from the ocean.”

With a sick feeling in my stomach, I realized I hadn’t truly sat down and considered any of that before. Now I was for sure not going to be in a SAFEsite, I was going to have to figure out how I was going to eat after Betty hit. Assuming, of course, I survived the impact.

It was all so large and…frightening. Food had always just been _there_ , in stores for the buying. Even with the shortages. I didn’t know where to begin.

Maybe school wouldn’t be a bad idea.

“I guess.” I crinkled up my nose. “But ugh, I was looking forward to not getting up early anymore.”

It was a stupid joke, but he smiled anyway. “Then just make sure the rest of your day is worth it.”

"I like that," I said softly. Optimism was hard to find these days. It was nice to find a bit of silver lining to go with all the clouds.

He gazed at me and I returned the look. We were smiling, this strange boy and I.

At that moment I felt...not exactly hopeful, but better than I had all day, even before the lottery aired.

The sun was going down, though, and I really didn’t want to get caught out at night with how crazy people were acting.

I was struck by a little inspiration. I tilted my head, considering him. “Do you have the first or second lunch period?” Our school had a small cafeteria and so the student population was split in between two lunches.

“First,” he said.

“Me too.” I stood. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then? At lunch?”

It took him a second to get that I was asking him out on a kinda-sorta date. He beamed. “Yeah! I’ll see you.” In a burst of inspiration, he grabbed up the can of peaches. “Want the rest?”

I grinned back and wiggled my fingers in a wave. “No, it’s yours. See you around, Shane.”


	3. Chapter 3

“There you are!”

My brother threw open the front door the second I turned the knob. He still wore his street clothes, with no wetsuit in sight. I guess he hadn’t gone surfing after all.

“Where the hell were you?” he demanded. “I was about to call the cops.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Do you even hear how much of a hypocrite you’re being right now?” I shouldered past him and then stopped dead in surprise.

Connor was in my living room.

“Connor!” I yelped, rushing over to throw my arms around his shoulders in a hug. He had grown taller than I remembered—taller than Asher, even—with something about the set of his wide shoulders that suggested more growth was on the way. “Oh my god! I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”

He was my brother’s best friend—they’d known each other since first grade, actually. He used to eat dinner at our house more than at his own.

Then, the moment the world found out about Betty, his jerk of a father pulled him first out of school, and then out of the city completely.

“Hey, Astrid.” Whoa, his voice had gotten deeper, too. Someone had hit the puberty button. Connor drew away and grinned down at me with that dopey smile I had known since forever. “Sorry about that. You know…my dad.”

“Your dad’s an asshole, what else is new?” Asher snorted but then looked hard at me. “Seriously, Astrid. The cops had to shut down our neighbor’s street party. People are going nuts out there. Next time you take off, leave a note or something.”

I turned away from Connor. “Oh, like you did?”

“I came right back home. You were already gone.”

We must have just missed each other. Not that I cared. I noticed he didn’t ask me where our dad was, either. He probably already knew.

I knew Asher and Dad loved each other, but as Asher got older they butted heads more and more. I wasn’t about to let the same thing happen between us.

“You’re not the boss of me,” I told him. It was annoying to have to look up into my twin brother’s eyes. Nordic genes made me a little tall for a girl, but Asher’s stupid Y chromosome gave him an extra boost. “And for your information, I was perfectly safe.” I took the handgun out of my pocket and laid it on the kitchen counter.

Connor walked over, his eyes wide. “Do you know how to shoot that?”

“Yes,” I said.

“No.” Asher held up his hands when I glared at him. “A trip to the shooting range two years ago doesn’t count.”

Ohh. I was sick and tired of his attitude. I poked a finger into his chest. “You’re not Dad, and I don’t have to check in with you.”

To my surprise, Connor stepped up. “Guys, do you have to fight?”

Asher ignored him. “If Dad’s gone, that makes me the man in the house.”

I laughed right in his face. “And that means what, exactly? You can’t even drive.”

“Yes, I can. I just can’t drive _legally_. There’s a difference—”

“You’re not driving me anywhere. You’re not my keeper!”

“Astrid, people are freaking out right now! Society is on the verge of collapsing. I’m just saying you should be careful.”

“Who cares? We’re all going to die in a year, anyway—”

“No one has to die,” Connor said.

We both turned to him.

“Um, Betty the asteroid? Remember?” I pointed up.

“Sorry.” Connor took a breath. “I meant… _you_ guys don’t have to die. That’s what I’ve come to tell you.”

It was as if all the anger evaporated out of the room in an instant. Asher and I exchanged a long look and turned to Connor, a united front.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“My dad has tickets to the Central California SAFEsite—”

“Of course he does,” muttered Asher.

“—and he can bring your family along.” I could tell the words were for both of us, but for some reason, Connor was looking at me specifically.

“Buddy,” Asher said, “we look nothing alike.”

It was true. Connor had mid-brown hair, brown eyes, and a square-cut all American jaw. He looked like a football player or a younger version of a ‘join the military’ poster. Asher and I were lanky, and those aforementioned Nordic genes made for blonde hair and blue eyes. Great for the high latitudes, but meant a lot of sunscreen for living in California.

No one with eyes would ever think we were related.

Connor grimaced and rubbed a hand down his face. “This…this isn’t how I wanted to do it. Asher, could you give Astrid and I some space?”

“Ah, no.” Asher crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m thinking I want to see this.”

Until this point, I had the feeling I was missing something very big. I couldn’t figure out what it was…until I noticed Connor’s cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Then my own cheeks heated.

_Oh no, he can’t be thinking…oh my god._

Taking a breath like a diver readying himself for a deep plunge, Connor pulled a ring from his jeans pocket. It was a beautiful piece, white gold with a simple, elegant diamond on top.

“My mother let me have it. She, um, she wants me to give it to someone special.”

Oh. My. God.

“What are you saying?” I squeaked. But I knew. Of course, I knew.

His eyes gazed into mine. “I like you, Astrid. I’ve always…” he trailed off and slid a glance to Asher. “God, could you give us some privacy?”

“Honestly, I’m trying to figure out if I should hit you or not,” Asher said.

Rolling his eyes, Connor reached out to grab my hand. I was too shocked to jerk away. My skin was cold, making his feel warm.

“I know this isn’t romantic. You deserve so much better, but the truth is that if you and I married, we could be family.”

All I could do was stare. “But what about Asher and my dad?”

“I checked,” Connor said quickly. “Your immediate family can come, too. No cousins, aunts, or uncles, though. I’m sorry. But Asher and your dad can join us.”

I stared and he gazed back with a startling amount of emotion in his eyes.

 _He really does like me_ , I thought. _I had no idea. When did this happen?_

Stepping forward, Asher laid a heavy hand on his friend’s shoulder. “She doesn’t have to answer right now, does she?” His tone implied that the answer had better not be ‘yes’.

Connor jerked, startled. “No, of course not. We have a few months before we have to head to the SAFEsite.” Dropping my hand, he curled his fingers back over the ring and stuffed it into his pocket. “She can take all the time she needs.”

“Thank you,” I said.

 _Thank you_?! hissed an enraged voice in the back of my mind. _For what? Coming back after a year of falling off the face of the earth and dropping a proposal on me? Pretending to give me a choice when we both know I don’t have one?_

Asher not-so-gently escorted his best friend out the door.

I was still standing there, a hand pressed to my stomach, stunned, when he returned.

“Astrid.”

My eyes jerked to him. I don’t know what the expression was on my face, but it must have been bad. My brother was not usually the touchy-feely type, but he stepped close and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Look at me. You don’t have to do this. We’ll figure something out.”

“Oh yeah, what?”

That’s all it took to poke a hole in Asher’s argument. He glanced away. “Maybe NASA’s plan will come through.”

“This isn’t a movie, Asher.”

It was as if we had switched sides. Normally, I had been the one to tell him that it was going to work out. Now, after the lottery, I was beginning to realize I didn’t have any idea what to do next. None.

“Connor’s not a bad person,” I said.

He hesitated. “No, he’s one of the best guys I know, but you should get married for the right reason.”

“Girls have been marrying for the wrong reason for centuries.” The words came from numb lips. And with that, I knew what my answer would be.

Asher looked like he wanted to argue, but wasn’t sure how.

“Don’t tell Dad,” I said. “I should be the one to do it.”

He opened his mouth, shut it, and then sighed and looked away. “If that’s what you want.”

I didn’t know what I wanted, but knew this: I wanted to live.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't sleep that night.

I knew I was making the right decision for myself and for my family. Besides, I had never been the type to plan out my dream wedding…

… okay, something at Disneyland would have been nice, back when the park was open.

Somehow, as I tossed and turned, the ceremony suddenly seemed very important. With the world as it was, there was no way I could plan out anything extravagant. Our wedding would have to be quick, with only Dad and Asher in attendance. My friends would want to know why I was marrying a guy I hadn’t even seen in over a year, and I couldn’t tell them about the SAFEsite.

Connor’s last name was Schneider. My new married name danced around and around in my head. _Hi, I’m Astrid Schneider. I’m Miss Schneider. Just call me Mrs. Connor Schneider._

Oh, God.

It was stupid. I was literally facing the end of the world. The last thing I needed to do was worry about surnames, but my brain would _not_ turn off.

I finally fell asleep around two in the morning, but when the alarm rang it felt like I had just shut my eyes.

First thing I did when I got up was check Dad's bedroom. He hadn’t come home last night. Big surprise.

Well, if he wasn’t home, he couldn’t tell me and Asher off for having a cup of coffee. We were both horribly addicted, which was a bad idea seeing as there weren’t going to be any more coffee beans soon. I blamed Starbucks. Sugary frappuccinos are a gateway drug.

Bleary-eyed, I started the coffee machine and yelled at my smart TV to turn on the news.

I immediately regretted it. Riots had sparked up in San Francisco last night. The city was an hour and a half to the north, too far away to worry about the violence spreading, but it was also probably a taste of what was to come.

“Ugh,” Asher groaned as he stumbled out of the connecting garage that doubled as his bedroom. After he hit twelve-years-old, we’d converted it so he could have his own space. He took one look at the TV and told it to switch to cartoons.

I rolled my eyes but handed him a cup of coffee.

“I can’t believe you’re going to school,” he said.

“Well I am, and so are you.”

Tipping his head back, he groaned again and slumped in his chair. “ _Why_?”

“What else are you going to do today?”

“I don’t know. Surf?”

I leveled a disapproving look at him. “Seriously? You can do that after school. The water’s too cold this time of year in the morning, anyway.”

“That’s what a wetsuit is for.” He took another sip and sighed. “Fine, I’ll go to school.”

We both went quiet for a moment, enjoying our caffeine fix. However, I noticed that Asher was looking everywhere but at me. He wasn’t the type of guy to keep anything to himself, though. Sure enough, he spoke up.

“So, have you thought more about what Connor said?”

“No,” I lied. “I don’t need to.”

“Geez.” He dragged a hand down his face. “I don’t like it.” I opened my mouth to snap at him, but he held up his hand. “Not in a ‘He’s my best friend and you’re my sister’ overprotective sort of way. It’s just, like, you shouldn’t have to take the bullet for Dad and me.” The coffee must have kicked in because his lips pulled to the side in a quick, teasing smile. “Or whatever that guy has down there.”

“Asher! Gross!” Unfortunately, the only thing within arm’s reach was a roll of paper towels. I threw it, nailing him in the face.

He grinned, but it was fleeting. Asher leaned forward. “Seriously, though, Astrid. Are you sure? Absolutely sure?”

I couldn’t let myself think about my answer. “I’ve known Connor forever. I think, maybe, I could grow to love him.”

And that was the crux of it right there. I didn’t love him. I’d never even had a crush on him—though apparently he had one on me, which was super weird. Why hadn’t I noticed?

Could I love him? He wasn’t bad looking. Actually, he was handsome now that he’d put on some growth. He was fair-minded, and had never made fun of me, even as a little boy. He also liked to surf, too, and had done a little skateboarding when we were kids. It would kind of be like marrying Asher.

UGH. EW.

Wrinkling my nose, I shook my head and tried to banish that disgusting thought forever.

“Come on,” I said, rising. “Let’s get to school.”

* * *

The school's bus service hadn’t been running for the last couple of months. Luckily, Asher and I lived close enough to our high school to walk.

On a regular day, students gathered in the open air cafeteria to mingle and gossip before the first bell rang. It had always been crowded, noisy, a raucous mix of sleep deprived kids and weird nervous energy.

Today, we walked into a ghost town. Maybe half the people were there as usual, and most of the talk was subdued. Some of the girls hugged each other with tears in their eyes. Not a big leap to figure out the topic of conversation was how no one got chosen for the lottery.

“Don’t say a word about Connor’s offer,” Asher said in a low tone.

I turned to him, shocked. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No, but just don’t…” he trailed off and winced. “I think the next few months are going to be hard, and I know how you are. You’ll feel bad for the people who aren’t getting in.”

So, what? I'd share my good fortune? I rolled my eyes and turned away from him to look for my usual group. The table I sat at was completely empty. Lydia and Ashley had already texted to let me know they weren’t coming to school. Marrissa was a total 4.0 GPA nerd, though. I didn’t think she would miss class for anything, but she was nowhere to be found.

Normally Asher would be mingling with the other surfers and jocks, but today he stuck close. Either he was feeling protective, or he didn’t trust me not to spill.

The conversation in the cafeteria was muted to the level roughly appropriate for a funeral wake. So, naturally, Jessi O’Hannon’s snide voice rang out like a bell.

“—I know she won the lottery. She has to be hiding out with her boyfriend.”

My head turned, even though I knew that engaging with The Queen Bee was a bad idea.

Jessi “Queen Bee” O’Hannon wasn’t a bully in the traditional sense. She was one of the most overly aggressive girls I’d ever met. Anyone who crossed her path was a target. By the second month of school, everyone had a story. Normally, I tried to ignore her, but this was too important.

“Who won the lottery?” I asked.

Jessi gave me a slow, deliberate glance up and down, both dismissive and judgmental. “Excuse me? Who do you think you’re looking at?”

“I’m looking at you,” Asher said before I could reply. He stepped forward. “What are you saying about the lottery, Freshman?”

Yup. He was definitely feeling protective.

Queen Bee’s dark eyes flicked from me to Asher. “Celia Yarrow. Kylee saw her father’s initials on TV last night, and she hasn’t shown up for school yet.” She turned back to her friends with a mean laugh. “She’s probably trying to get pregnant with her boyfriend so he can come along, too. Then he’d be family.”

A wave of shame and anger rose up within me, and I wasn’t exactly sure why. Even if Jessi wasn't making up rumors, I wasn’t doing the same thing as Celia…and even if I was, so what? It was the end of the world. Who cared anymore?

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Asher said, a hand on my shoulder. He didn't need for me to say anything to guess the direction of my thoughts. “Let’s get out of here.”

Thankfully, the bell for the first period rang.


	5. Chapter 5

I walked into homeroom to see that someone had written ‘320 Days To Live’ in big bold letters on the whiteboard in permanent sharpie. My poor homeroom teacher spent most of the prep period trying to clean it off.

That set the tone for the day. Only a few of my teachers showed up for work, and those who did weren’t interested in teaching.

Mostly, I played on my phone and sat in on a game of Shenanigans when someone brought out a deck of cards. The game used to be called ‘Bullshit’, which you’d yell out if you asked if someone had the card you wanted and they lied. The administration came down on us for yelling out profanities, so sometime last year, it evolved into ‘Shenanigans’.

Either way, not a lot of learning was done. No one mentioned a change in the curriculum, either. I guess we were all still in a period of after-lottery adjustment.

The bell for lunch finally sounded, and I kept myself from sprinting to the cafeteria. If Shane wasn’t there, I was going to ditch the rest of the day.

But there he was, sitting at a table that was set to the outside edge, leg bouncing up and down. I slowed to a walk, not wanting to look like I had been in a hurry.

“Hey,” I said, sitting across him.

“Hey,” he echoed, expression visibly lightening.

We smiled at each other, my heart jumping in my chest. “I looked for you before school,” I blurted.

He grimaced. “Yeah, I usually stay away from the cafeteria in the mornings. Too much drama.”

Over his shoulder, I saw that a group of girls had taken over the next table over. All were red-eyed, with one girl crying into her hands while another patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.

My happiness burst like a balloon, replaced by a pang of hollow, aching guilt. I had the chance to live out the asteroid, but everyone else was staring death in the face.

Shane had turned to look, too. He shook his head and glanced back at me. “It’s a tough day for everyone.”

He was right, but seeing the girl crying was the last straw. I couldn’t take any more fear and grief.

Grabbing my backpack, I stood. “Let’s get out of here.”

“You mean, ditch school?”

“Sure. No one is teaching anything anyway.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I just can’t…I can’t take the atmosphere right now.”

He hesitated, but then nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere but here,” I said.

* * *

It turned out that not only did Shane have his driver’s license, he also owned his own car. It was a beat-up gray pickup truck, but as I slid into the passenger’s seat and rolled down the window to catch a drift of sea air…it felt like freedom.

 _What are you doing?_ asked the cautious, safe voice that until now I had always listened to. _You’re going to marry Connor. Why are you going out on a date with some random guy you met yesterday?_

But neither Shane or I had actually said the D word, so it didn’t count, right? I was just hanging out with a guy…the day after someone else asked me to marry him.

Still, Connor would never know, so it wouldn’t hurt him. Right?

There was a little diner about a mile away from campus. Lord knows why it stayed open when businesses right and left were shuttering up, but whatever.

Shane and I ordered a plate of fries priced five times higher than before Betty. I didn’t let that bother me. Sitting at a table with a cute boy, it was easy to pretend that everything was fine again.

I sighed happily as the plate arrived. “No offense, but this,” I said as I dunked a fry into a puddle of ketchup, “has been the best part of my day.”

He grinned and snagged his own fry. “I know what you mean. This almost feels normal, and I haven’t had a lot of normal recently.”

No, probably not. If his family was anything like mine, all extra non-perishable food was stored away. Saving for life after Betty.

 _Nope_ , I thought, cutting that off short. Thinking about the asteroid would lead to despair.

Plus, I didn’t want to think about Connor when I was with Shane.

“Hmm. I like the idea of normal. Let’s roll with that,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

I smiled, tilting my head. “So, what’s your plan after high school?”

It took him a second to get I was asking him to pretend Big Betty wouldn’t, literally, impact our lives. “Actually, I’m not sure. My plans have sort of changed recently.”

Of course. I suppressed an eyeroll. Everything had changed. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice as if imparting a secret. “All my life, I wanted to be a veterinarian—specialize in marine animals. That sort of thing.”

“But not anymore?”

He shook his head and made a face. “I told you my aunt works at the Monterey Aquarium, right? Well, I started a job there after school, too. You would not believe the amount of fish and animal crap I have shoveled over the last few months. I. Am. Done.”

I laughed aloud, clapping a hand over my mouth to keep my chewed food from showing. “Okay, so what’s the plan, now?”

“I figured I’d go to college, but maybe…politics? At least then I’d be able to write laws to make a difference. Less actual dealing with blood and guts.”

“I like that,” I said, charmed. “The vet thing is cute, but you’re right, it’s kinda messy. You’d have my vote.”

Shane laughed with just the look in his eyes. They sort of crinkled like he was silently chuckling. I bet he’d have crow’s feet in a few years, but it would make him look distinguished. “You don’t even know what my platform is.”

“If it’s pro sea life, I’m for it.”

“Good call.” He took another fry, then hesitated, the smile vanishing. “But I think my plans are changing again. I’ve been getting into studying survival methods and hunting and foraging. You know, for _after_.”

“Ah-ah.” I shook my head. “We’re talking about normal. Betty isn’t normal.”

He dropped it without argument. Good boy. “What about you? What are your plans?”

I sighed. “It’s stupid.” At least, it was now.

“Ah-ah,” he repeated in the same tone I had used. “No Betty, remember?”

“Right.” I forced a smile. “Well, I don’t have anything super specific, but I really want to study genetics.”

“So, DNA and stuff?”

“And stuff,” I agreed. “I’ve been interested in it since I was little—being a twin and all. It would be nice to be a genetics counselor and help parents plan out their families.”

“So you would be going for a doctorate?”

“Yep.” I liked the sound of Doctor Butler much more than Mrs. Schneider. _Ugh, go away bad thought._ “Or maybe I’d just work for a pharmaceutical company and make oodles of money.”

“Here’s to making oodles of money.” Shane held up a ketchup covered fry. I grabbed one of my own and we ‘clinked’ them together.

* * *

Neither one of us said it, but we weren’t ready for the not-date to end after the French fries were done. I certainly didn’t want to go back to school.

There was a green space and a little grove of eucalyptus trees set at the end of the small parking lot. We walked to it, and although it was early in the season, I spotted a few migrating monarch butterflies flitting through the branches overhead.

Shane caught my hand in his, and I didn’t pull away.

Eventually, though, our moment had to come to an end. I pulled out my phone and checked the time.

“I gotta go back to school.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Yeah. My brother had a meltdown when I came home late yesterday, and I don’t want him to nark to my dad.”

Shane sighed, but nodded. “I gotta drive my sister home, anyway.”

That’s right. He mentioned he had a sister yesterday, but in the hours we’d been talking today, she hadn’t come up once. “Is she in high school, too?”

He grimaced. “You probably know her. Jessi O’Hannon?”

“Your sister is Queen Bit—” I caught myself. “Queen Bee?”

Shane barked a surprised laugh. “Yes, and _yes_ , trust me. However bad she is at school, she is even worse at home.”

My mind was spinning even as the part of me that was interested in genetics was fascinated. Shane had dark red hair and was so freckled he looked tan, whereas Jessi had coal dark hair and equally dark eyes. Same freckles, though, now that I thought about it.

“But you’re so normal!” I blurted.

He grinned. “Thank you.”

“No, I mean…well, okay, I _did_ mean it like that. She’s just so…”

“Yeah.” He rolled his eyes, but there was fondness hidden there. “We live with our aunt. Our parent’s marriage wasn’t happy. They both decided to be rid of each other, and us.” He shrugged like what he just said wasn’t completely heartbreaking. “I was old enough to see what was really going on and be grateful I could live somewhere away from them. She wasn’t. It’s not an excuse for how she acts,” he added, “but deep inside, I think she’s insecure.”

“You’re a lot nicer about it than I would be.”

He started to laugh it off, but I squeezed his hand. “No, I’m serious. I give my brother a hard time, and he’s not nearly so…” Again, I bit off what I was going to say. Repeatedly insulting a guy’s sister to his face was tacky, even if that girl was Queen Bee. “You’re a really great guy, Shane.”

“Yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Well, I think you’re pretty special, too.”

I didn’t know when the air had changed between us, but it had. He leaned in, brushing a piece of hair from my face.

I caught my breath, tipping my chin up as he closed the distance.

His lips brushed over my own, both soft and rough. My first kiss.

_What was I doing?_

I pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” Shane said, taking the hint and backing away as well. The high color in his cheeks, made his freckles stand out.

“No, don’t be. It’s not you. It’s me.” The old cliché, but it was absolutely the truth. Letting go of his hand, I crossed my arms over my chest. “It’s not your fault,” I added, looking down miserably.

He was silent for a moment. I didn’t dare look at him, but I could practically feel his confusion.

Finally, he spoke tentatively. “Did I misread something, or…?”

“No, it’s just…complicated.”

“Oh.”

We stood there for a moment. My rejection had both hurt and confused him. I hated it. I wasn’t dumb enough to explain the whole reason why, but maybe…

“Shane, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”

I bit my lip and forced myself to meet his gaze. No anger. Just confusion. “I can’t explain everything, but…if you had the chance to save your aunt and your sister from Betty, but you had to give up, um, everything, would you?”

His eyebrows crinkled. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t—it’s just hypothetical.” I shook my head. “But if it cost you your dreams and your future. Like, your family would live, but you’d have to be a janitor or a ditch digger for the rest of your life instead of a vet or a politician…” I was being overly dramatic. Marrying Connor couldn’t be that bad. Right? “Would you still do it?”

His answer was both immediate and surprised me. “Astrid, I would give up my right arm if it meant living through Betty. Yes, I want to live. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Yes,” I said, stomach plummeting. It was the answer I expected, but not the one I wanted.

He started to reach for my hand, and then stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” My answer was a little too quick—I could tell he didn’t believe me. He just looked at me for a long, long moment, searchingly.

 _Don’t ask_ , I silently pleaded. _Don’t push_.

“Can I still see you at lunch tomorrow?” he asked.

Despite everything, his question lifted my heart.

“Yes,” I said. “Absolutely.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Would love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> I also write fanfiction under this account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvocadoLove/
> 
> For updates/further shenanigans check out my Tumblr: https://awesomeavocadolove.tumblr.com


End file.
